Anyone who grew up reading Highlights magazine in their grade school library remembers the cartoons and captions of Goofus and Gallant. Goofus always did things the wrong way, Gallant the right; the moral always being that you needed to decide what kind of person you wanted to be to get the things you wanted. As gamblers, we want action, whether it’s someone to bluff into our monster hands or the right edge on a prop bet. Therefore, I’ll introduce you to my original gambling Gallant, the first and only man I ever met named Stacy. You’ll meet my Goofus at another time.

Stacy looked like Chris “Jesus” Ferguson, if underneath the long hair, beard and hat, Jesus was also a handsome man who wasn’t thinning on top. Stacy would hang out at Speeds’ pool hall with me, Prof. James Acquaintance and a larger cast of characters that I’ll discuss more as opportunity presents itself here at Always Bluff. Stacy was quite good at close-up magic, particularly card and coin tricks. He was good enough at 3-Card Monte that he could have cleaned out the drunks every night if he so desired. He could make about a dozen different pornographic balloon animals (two poodles fucking was always my favorite). Just about every “hey, I’ll bet I can do such-and-such” bar prop bet I know, I learned from Stacy…the ones I don’t remember from Harry Anderson’s appearances on Cheers, anyway. Stacy was Speeds’ Harry, without the malicious profitability.

By being entertaining, funny and magnificently interesting, Stacy got more gambling propositions than anyone I ever met. People wanted to be around him, and hang out, and most of them ended up suggesting they play 9-ball for $5 or $10 or some other nominal sum. Or play blackjack, where Stacy could be the dealer every hand. Or flip coins, or play War (really stupid suggestions against a guy who was expert at coin and card manipulation).

The beauty of it, of course, is that Stacy didn’t gamble. He played pool decently, certainly good enough to walk out with a pocket full of small bills against drunks who couldn’t play a lick but were willing to pay for the pleasure of his company. He was charming enough to get about any edge he wanted to on the Cowboys’ line on Sunday afternoon. But I never saw him take action like that. He just liked hanging out and having fun.

In a lot of ways, Stacy reminds me of our own Antonio Esfandiari, or partner-in-propping Phil Laak. If you’re having fun, and fun to be around, the opportunities never cease.